I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
