haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
