She's like a pop up book from hell.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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