you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize