i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
