I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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