P.S. I can't hear my feet
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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