Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
