got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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