just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
