Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
