I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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