Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
