i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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