hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
