My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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