We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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