the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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