Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
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I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
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He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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