I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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