Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
