Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
