I cut my penus on the lid.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
