dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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