you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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