he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
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He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
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Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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