he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
