Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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