I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize