No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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