i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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