It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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