Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I need to align my fucking chakras
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
