remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
