I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
