when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
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While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
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I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My penis needs a shock collar
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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