A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
