are you so shy because you have an std?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
