I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
