i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
