i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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