I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
