thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
