I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
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this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
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So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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