Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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