and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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