Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
