Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
