Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
