the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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