I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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