Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
my poor anus
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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