I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
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Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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