Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i think i have two assholes
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Randomize
