I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
