Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
