peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
