he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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