Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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