I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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