Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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