I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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